you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
