I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
