Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
