My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
