We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
