if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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