She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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