Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
