White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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