I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
