I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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