I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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