Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
