Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
