oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
