He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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