Sorry, I don't speak sober.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
