Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
