listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
