dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
