I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
