i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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