don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
