Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
