WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There's even glitter on my cock...
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