Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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