the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
