I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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