I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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