They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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