you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
smell my finger.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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