Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
