That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
