Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
