I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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