I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
