Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
