Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
