At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
