i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
