Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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