I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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