He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
