end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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