why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
