Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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