well most of my day revolves around power hour
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
