just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
