dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
