Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
